sodomy, it's between god and me

coffee with gino in 20 minutes. rehearsals in forty five. then RENT in several hours. stoked? very much so, thank you. For nostalgic reasons, tonight the Internation Thespian Society Troupe #blahblahblah will go watch RENT, thanks to some group of actors who travel internationally and perform it, and this time they've chosen their venue to be Puerto Rico. I am.. well, least to say, stoked. Like, obscenely. After, we will hopefully hit up backstage, then go out to dinner and probably re-enact the entire film is fits of giggles and sobs (mostly at the rendition of I'll Cover You. duh). well, that's all. i must go get ready for such a day. wahh so pumped.

nostalgikk

oh, how i miss the abundance of attractive parisian men. hmph.
i also miss early morning smokes.
and pain au chocolat
and macarons

(photo above from The Sartorialist)

monotonous murder, courtesy of saint john's school

No. I have no artsy photograph nor obscure film to rant on about. I have a drawing with a stick figure that essentially demonstrates the story of my week life. Last night I went to bed at 2am with legitimate plans to wake up at 4am to finish homework. Instead, was awoken by my mother at 7:30 (so, half an hour before school begins), and I still had this just.. obscene amount of homework left to complete. To top it off, i had a little gastritis attack which kindly led me to my bathroom to regurgitate all my food and leave my stomach acid eating my stomach away and leaving me in body-numbing pain. Hurrah? I wake up at 1pm with another late phone call from my mother. Immedietly, I eat. Watch half an episode of law and order having to do with statuatory rape. And I've been studying ever since.

I do not recommend Saint John's School to anyone who wants their child to prosper in mental or physical health. They wont. Instead, they'll develop stomach problems and constant panic attacks, not to mention sleep deprivation whose magnitude is simply unheard of. Some of the teachers are biased, offensive, and clearly fascist. In fact, the whole damned school is fascist. Normal bedtime for students is honestly midnight, and that's because they have postponed the rest of their homework to do during homeroom and the half hour lunch. To top it off, your child's weekends will be somewhat the same. Their after-school activities will clog up the rest of their arteries. If extra curricular and in school stress aren't enough, wait until your child discovers their major stress,which is clearly college.
and they will do all this in the comfort of ill-fitting and painful polyester pants.

so high fashun~

yours truly has decided to delve herself into the world of high fashion, now so more publicly.
so, here is my dear little fashion blog. or, as others would name it, the reason for my sorrow regarding the economy.

the photograph above is provided to us by the brilliant Sartorialist. which i love. that woman above, Vika. i simply must be her. now,now,now!

esperando a Godard..

So I've just now found this little gem of a book, that I purchased at this thrift store in Old San Juan, hidden beneath a pile of seasons of bad sitcoms and my passport (which is just lovely to find just laying about). The title of it is Esperando a Godard, and though i've yet not started to read it, I read the summary on the back and it is brilliant. Whenever I find the opportunity between the obscene amount of schoolwork I have and my many futile attempts at an active social life, I'll definitely read it and perhaps put up some excerpts. It is in Spanish though, so I advise all of you to become by bilingual by then, trust me, it'll be worth it.
Oh, I'm also really digging the fact how right under a blog like this with cinematic references and words with more than two syllables, you see a blog regarding mine and my friend's vulgar and teenage little adolescent regarding my (our) newest vice: True Blood.
Do not judge, it is brilliant. So all of you pretentious hipster snobs, I hope the L Train implodes..

on that note, i'm off to continue this just sickening amount of homework, and then hopefully pass out. at around midnight. hurrahh!

fangbangers fo laiff~

and here i present to you mine and caroline's live commentary for last week's True Blood episode, titled Frenzy. it starts off when Hoyt's mother was preparing food for the God. kthx.

[21:32] tulipsonlegs: oh god ewsies.
[21:33] tulipsonlegs: that food actually repulses me.
[21:33] tulipsonlegs: DAT BISH IS CRAY ZEE.
[21:33] heyygetajob: ew...
[21:34] heyygetajob: haha what is this woman saying, crazy crazy
[21:34] tulipsonlegs: WOWOWOWOWOWWO.
[21:34] tulipsonlegs: she needs to die.
[21:34] tulipsonlegs: redneck SCUM.
[21:34] tulipsonlegs: awh Hoyt.
[21:35] heyygetajob: haaaaaaahhaa naked people
[21:35] tulipsonlegs: omgg sookie woe iss meee laif is so difficultt~
[21:35] tulipsonlegs: hahahahah
[21:35] heyygetajob: ahahahhahahahaa
[21:35] tulipsonlegs: SOOKIE DIE. kthxsies.
[21:35] tulipsonlegs: such a pussy.
[21:35] tulipsonlegs: at times at least
[21:35] heyygetajob: aww me like sookie!! except her teeth piss me off
[21:36] tulipsonlegs: WOAH SASS.
[21:36] tulipsonlegs: LOFF DIS.
[21:36] heyygetajob: roflcopter
[21:36] heyygetajob: it'll make sex real nice
[21:36] tulipsonlegs: real naaaais
[21:36] tulipsonlegs: HAHAHAHAH
[21:36] tulipsonlegs: OH GOD
[21:36] tulipsonlegs: ERIC
[21:37] tulipsonlegs:
IJDFOkhldj;fkovjldfhcpfskvli
[21:37] tulipsonlegs: fdgv
vufidcv
[21:37] tulipsonlegs: JUST CAME
[21:37] tulipsonlegs: JUST CAME
[21:37] tulipsonlegs: JUST CAME
[21:37] tulipsonlegs: OH GOD
[21:37] tulipsonlegs: OHDHSIUDSH
[21:37] tulipsonlegs: PLEASE GROPE ME
[21:37] heyygetajob: lovin; his pose
[21:37] tulipsonlegs: OH MY FUCKIGN GOD
[21:37] tulipsonlegs: YESZZZSSSZZZ
[21:37] heyygetajob: S E X
[21:37] tulipsonlegs: PLEASE.
[21:37] tulipsonlegs: please unclothe yourself.
[21:37] tulipsonlegs: NOW.
[21:37] tulipsonlegs: can they please make out?
[21:37] heyygetajob: ahahaha look at that crazy bitch
[21:37] tulipsonlegs: like.. i'll die.
[21:37] heyygetajob: in the spandex
[21:37] heyygetajob: behind him
[21:37] tulipsonlegs: I HATE HER.
[21:38] tulipsonlegs: I ACTUALLY REALLY HOPE SHE DIES.
[21:38] tulipsonlegs: NOW.
[21:38] tulipsonlegs: I WISH I WAS THAT CHILD.
[21:38] heyygetajob: HAHA
[21:38] heyygetajob: if i was redhead
[21:38] heyygetajob: i'd be like take my virginity...
[21:38] tulipsonlegs: HAHAHH
[21:38] tulipsonlegs: pedofilia 4 LAIFF.
[21:38] heyygetajob: his penis is probably the size of her...
[21:38] tulipsonlegs: can that bitch die?
[21:39] tulipsonlegs: she's so uselessly sassy.
[21:39] tulipsonlegs: i hate her
[21:39] tulipsonlegs: and OH GOD
[21:39] tulipsonlegs: SO HAWT
[21:39] tulipsonlegs: WINK
[21:39] tulipsonlegs: WINK
WINK
[21:39] tulipsonlegs: WINK
[21:39] tulipsonlegs: WINK
WOAH SINCE WHEN THE FUCK CAN HE FLY
[21:39] heyygetajob: i know
[21:39] heyygetajob: what the fuck!!!
[21:39] tulipsonlegs: oh shit.
[21:39] tulipsonlegs: WTF.
[21:39] tulipsonlegs: AGHHH.
[21:40] heyygetajob: OMG
[21:40] heyygetajob: WTF
[21:40] heyygetajob: WTF
[21:40] tulipsonlegs: WTFFFFFFFF
[21:40] tulipsonlegs: crazy old bitch
[21:40] heyygetajob: im scurred
[21:40] tulipsonlegs: me toos
[21:40] tulipsonlegs: do sho
[21:40] tulipsonlegs: me too*
[21:40] tulipsonlegs: AHHHH
[21:40] tulipsonlegs: WTF
[21:40] heyygetajob: holy shit
[21:40] heyygetajob: WTF
[21:41] tulipsonlegs: SHIT
[21:41] tulipsonlegs: SHIT
[21:41] tulipsonlegs: SHIT
[21:41] tulipsonlegs: SHIT
[21:41] heyygetajob: AH
[21:41] heyygetajob: holy shit
[21:41] tulipsonlegs: ew
[21:41] tulipsonlegs: ew
[21:41] tulipsonlegs: so fucking creeoy
[21:41] heyygetajob: this is gross
[21:41] heyygetajob: ew so foul
[21:41] tulipsonlegs: ew make it stop. he's gross.
[21:42] tulipsonlegs: YES
[21:42] tulipsonlegs: EVAN
[21:42] heyygetajob: HAHA
[21:42] tulipsonlegs: IS BACK
[21:42] heyygetajob: this convo is hilarious
[21:42] tulipsonlegs: lulz
[21:42] tulipsonlegs: OH GOD
[21:42] tulipsonlegs: HEY WASUP BILL
[21:42] tulipsonlegs: HEW HEW HEW
[21:42] tulipsonlegs: HEY*
[21:42] heyygetajob: BILL IS FINE
[21:42] heyygetajob: damn
[21:42] heyygetajob: and evan rachel too
[21:42] heyygetajob: id bang her
[21:42] tulipsonlegs: mhm.
[21:43] tulipsonlegs: I'D TRY HIM
[21:43] tulipsonlegs: UGH JUST DO IT.
[21:43] heyygetajob: HAHAHAHA
[21:43] tulipsonlegs: uh that should be necesary
[21:43] tulipsonlegs: WOWOWOWOWOW
[21:43] heyygetajob: I WILLL HAVWE A SEX WITH YOU
[21:43] tulipsonlegs: THIS IS REALLY HOT.
[21:43] tulipsonlegs: HAHAHAHAHAH
[21:43] tulipsonlegs: SHIT
[21:43] tulipsonlegs: shit
[21:43] tulipsonlegs: shit
[21:43] tulipsonlegs: shit
[21:43] tulipsonlegs: shit
[21:43] tulipsonlegs: shit
[21:43] tulipsonlegs: shit
[21:43] tulipsonlegs: shit
[21:43] tulipsonlegs: shit
[21:43] heyygetajob: that was hot
[21:43] tulipsonlegs: shit
[21:43] heyygetajob: i came
[21:43] tulipsonlegs: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
[21:43] tulipsonlegs: i did too.
[21:43] tulipsonlegs: but now SHIT.
[21:44] heyygetajob: noooo
[21:44] heyygetajob: lafayette
[21:44] tulipsonlegs: maryann such uh connossieur wiff da gastronomy
[21:44] tulipsonlegs: HAHAHA
[21:44] tulipsonlegs: SHIITTT LAFAYETTE
[21:44] tulipsonlegs: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
[21:44] heyygetajob: damn that was intense
[21:45] tulipsonlegs: I COME
[21:45] tulipsonlegs: I COME
[21:45] tulipsonlegs: I COME
[21:45] heyygetajob: bill is so hot
[21:45] tulipsonlegs: when yoo take off yo clofs
[21:45] heyygetajob: in black
[21:45] tulipsonlegs: AHH I KNOW.
[21:45] tulipsonlegs: and in bare.
[21:45] tulipsonlegs: :D
[21:45] heyygetajob: menage a troi
[21:45] heyygetajob: with the three of them
[21:45] tulipsonlegs: OH GOD YES PWEASE
[21:45] tulipsonlegs: and eric
[21:45] tulipsonlegs: here
[21:45] tulipsonlegs: eric
[21:45] tulipsonlegs: evan
[21:45] tulipsonlegs: bill
[21:45] heyygetajob: yeah
[21:45] heyygetajob: and that human bill just sucked
[21:46] heyygetajob: so thats what...menage a 5
[21:46] tulipsonlegs: and maybe jason.. like just there being cute. and sam
[21:46] tulipsonlegs: ehrm
[21:46] tulipsonlegs: hahahah
[21:46] heyygetajob: why is this show so beautiful
[21:46] heyygetajob: so many beautiful men
[21:46] tulipsonlegs: its actually perfect
[21:46] tulipsonlegs: like everyone is so damn attractive
[21:47] heyygetajob: wtf my cousin sookie?
[21:47] tulipsonlegs: HAHAHAH
[21:47] tulipsonlegs: whaaaa
[21:47] tulipsonlegs: YESS ERIC
[21:47] tulipsonlegs: YES YES THEY SHOULD
[21:47] heyygetajob: YES
[21:47] tulipsonlegs: YES TEHY SHOULD
[21:47] tulipsonlegs: OH GOD
[21:47] heyygetajob: YES
[21:47] tulipsonlegs: YES YES YES
[21:47] heyygetajob: THANK YOY
[21:47] tulipsonlegs: THEY SHOULD
[21:47] heyygetajob: EVAN RACHEL WOOD
[21:47] tulipsonlegs: EVAN YOURE ACTUALLY BRILLIANT
[21:47] tulipsonlegs: THX DOR THOSE IDEAS.
[21:47] tulipsonlegs: FOR*
[21:48] tulipsonlegs: please make out.
[21:48] heyygetajob: this is the most mindblowing episode ever
[21:48] tulipsonlegs: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
[21:49] tulipsonlegs: THEY NEED TO HAVE RAGING ANGRY VAMP SEX
[21:49] heyygetajob: uhhh
[21:49] heyygetajob: thats a special k bar
[21:49] heyygetajob: HAHAHA
[21:49] tulipsonlegs: HAHAHAHAHAHHA
[21:49] tulipsonlegs: carbs... load up
[21:49] tulipsonlegs: lulz
[21:50] tulipsonlegs: jason's so dumb and cute.
[21:50] tulipsonlegs: spoon kthx.
[21:50] heyygetajob: where do they film true blood
[21:50] heyygetajob: HAHAHA
[21:50] tulipsonlegs: IT AINT ABOUT PUSSY
[21:50] heyygetajob: how much pussy i get???
[21:50] tulipsonlegs: HAHAHA
[21:50] heyygetajob: im starting to have knee issues and im not even 30 yet
[21:50] tulipsonlegs: AND I WATCH A LOT OF PORN
[21:50] tulipsonlegs: LEARN STUFF
[21:50] heyygetajob: i wathc a lotta porn
[21:51] tulipsonlegs: HAHAHAH. my laiff
[21:51] heyygetajob: i can't stop laughing
[21:51] tulipsonlegs: hahaha
[21:51] tulipsonlegs: luvvin this patriotic bullshit
[21:51] tulipsonlegs: hahahah
[21:51] tulipsonlegs: LUVV ITTT
[21:52] heyygetajob: so prepared
[21:52] tulipsonlegs: EWGH. leave her uhlone.
[21:52] tulipsonlegs: creeper shit.
[21:52] heyygetajob: feel so bad for sookie
[21:52] heyygetajob: EW NO.
[21:53] heyygetajob: HHAHAHA
[21:53] heyygetajob: sookie just owned him
[21:53] tulipsonlegs: hahahah shittt
[21:53] tulipsonlegs: WHERE IS BILL.
[21:54] tulipsonlegs: whuddafucks
[21:54] tulipsonlegs: SHIT SHIT SHIT
[21:54] tulipsonlegs: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
[21:54] tulipsonlegs: LAFAYETTTE
[21:54] heyygetajob: OH SHIT
[21:54] tulipsonlegs: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
[21:54] tulipsonlegs: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
[21:54] heyygetajob: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
[21:54] tulipsonlegs: WOAH WOAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
[21:54] heyygetajob: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
[21:54] heyygetajob: holy shit
[21:54] heyygetajob: what the fuck
[21:55] tulipsonlegs: im dying.
[21:55] tulipsonlegs: now.
[21:55] tulipsonlegs: i am dying
[21:55] tulipsonlegs: OH GOD
[21:55] tulipsonlegs: SO STOKED
for the next episode's preview
[21:55] heyygetajob: no lafayette =(
[21:56] tulipsonlegs: HOLY
[21:56] tulipsonlegs: MOTHER FUCKING
[21:56] tulipsonlegs: SHIT
[21:56] heyygetajob: oh my god.
[21:56] heyygetajob: can't even DESCIBR
[21:56] heyygetajob: SOMANY IMAGES
[21:56] tulipsonlegs: OH MY FUCKING GOD.
[21:56] tulipsonlegs: whut whut whut
[21:56] tulipsonlegs: okay, one
[21:57] tulipsonlegs: ERIC AND EVAN. no. ERIC AND BILL. please?
[21:57] tulipsonlegs: two
[21:57] tulipsonlegs: WHYDAFUCK SOOKIE SAYING SORRY
[21:57] tulipsonlegs: AND WHY IS SAM CRYING
[21:57] tulipsonlegs: AND WHUDDAFUCK IS THIS ABOUT BETRAYAL.

burnt up tar, cuba libres, and adolescent escapades

I hate Malboro Lights. I tell you, they are complete and utter bollocks. The hip crowd chooses to name them 'slut butts' and i happily concur, that is what they are. Period.
Last night, after an entire day of moping about and doing AP US History homework, i finally made it to Eitan's house for a lovely evening full of underage drinking and smoking in the dark alleys of the richest neighborhoods in Puerto Rico. Seeing as everyone in the party, sans two or three people, wags their finger on smoking cigarettes (yet, of course, they smoke and drink everything else, the morally hypocritical bastards), we found ourselves lacking a pack to smoke. I had my perfectly tacky pseudo-Zippo lighter i bought in Paris, it has a fake leather covering and the fire turns green, why thank you, but nothing to light. So, we all went on Daniela's car to the nearest gas station. It was pitch black besides one flickering light in the store. Gino and Francisco told me that since I apparently looked the oldest, I should go out and buy the pack. On account of I chose not to lose my v-card by getting raped by a sketchy gas station attendant, I instead decided to stay in the car and persuade the others to find another gas station. Which we did. And me and María successfully bought a pack of those horrendous little tar sticks. Seeing as returning to the party and lighting up there would have horrendous little consequences, we instead drove to some random, and might I say deathly dark, street and sat around on someone's lawn and smoked for a bit. We returned to the party. They apparently had a professional bartender. (Welcome to Saint John's, darlings), who gladly served me dumb amounts of alcohol. I felt like quite the adolescent idiot for the whole night, in and out of giggle fits and vulgar comments.
So..yeah, that's my anecdote for the day. Now i'm off to continue studying for my APUSH exam. meh.

(photo above by ryan mcginley)

credo for existentialism class

First of all, I would like to apologize for any typos and punctuation errors you may (WILL) find in this credo. I am writing on a French keyboard, on an almost ancient Dell laptop. Half the letters on the keys are erased, which just adds to the whole confusion of things. Also, the internet is obscenely slow and I have no dictionaries nor thesauruses at hand to make myself sound more eloquent.

That said, I want to start off with the fact these past two days and the circumstances have made it very difficult for me to sit down and reflect on my life, because all I can think of now is how much i ,iss the program. I dont think the program itself, just the people, the dynamic of things, the routine. Now, I feel badly misplaced and alone in a strange city, with an abundance of beautiful Gothic churches and horribly confusing keyboards. I have been in and out of sobbing fits for these past two days (or dare I say, day and a half) so I dont really feel like I am in the best reflective and profound mood, instead I just want to fall asleep and wake up two weeks ago. So this is why I have been living my past two days in a feigned First Nature, to get my mind off the void I feel, I have been trying to concentrate very hard on anything immediate, without reflecting nor reminiscing. Because, when I do, the sobbing once again begins. I am trying to approach things as Mersault did, attempting to live these days via sensory input, but I cannot help it. I have alxays been an overwhelmingly reflective person, I love just sitting alone, thinking about anything that finds its way into my head, and pouring these thoughts and feeling into a notebook, or a conversation. That is why trying to avoid reflecting has been very difficult. On the topic of Camus as well, I have learned that we as humans must welcome pain and sorrow, because without it, it is impossible to recognize happiness. What his theory of the absurd teaches us is that out of the sad clash between our rational want for justice, solidarity, and truth .. three beautiful things are begeted : passion, freedom, and revolt. These three concepts are crucial in my life, and in the whole idea of staying alive (not killing yourself). Once you have understood that this is just the way things are, that without this lack of rational wants, it is impossible to ever feel passion, or freedom, or take part in a revolt, the balance beam basically weighs itself out. With the sorrows that come from not having truth, solidarity, qnd justice… also come the previously mentioned, and that in itself is a reason to keep living. I do not know what I would do without these three concepts in my life. I refuse to live a life of coarse comfort, like those who have comitted the pathetic act of philosophical suicide, through things like religion or pure ignorance. I believe we as humans need this clash for us to evolve as people, and in fact, as humankind. I think this is perhaps why I cannot stand the character of Mersault (though at this moment I am attempting to live like him to be able to tolerate this overwhelming sadness). I feel like he has killed himself philosophically, by submitting himself to this First Nature lifestyle, he feels contempt with the ways things are, and thus there is no clash present. Without this clash, he then is unable to experience the absurd, and thus no passion, revolt, nor freedom. Then I ask myself, where did all this fervor in his voice in the second part come from? And the answers I am sure to get will probably be as vague as anything else in existentialism.

As a middle class woman, i am not too sure I should be a fan of Nietzche. Though there are many statements and quotes he has said that I agree with.. I often feel like punching him in the face for his lack of any sort of respect for the lower classes. He says those in higher classes would be considered superior because they can forgive their enemies, the lower class. Well, thats not too hard, is it ? After all, they are the ones who produce the money, food , etc that fuel society, whilst the upper classes spend it. They bring those in higher classes no harm, of course it is easy not to hqte them. Whilst, it is a lot more difficult for those in the lower classes to forgive those in the higher. They are constantly mistreated and forced to undergo injustices, hard labour , etc. Nietzche also mentions that lower classes, out of their ‘pathetic’ resentment for the higher classes, create morality, the ethics of good and evil. They also create false realities to be able to bear their own. Though I do agree, that we should affirm our realities, be them difficult or not, some people do desperately need a degree of escape. Alright, to quit sounding like a peasant during the French Revolytion, and so it doesnt seem like i hate Nietzche in every single aspect, ill leave you with some quotes of his that I do agree with.

A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.

After coming into contact with a religious man I always feel I must wash my hands.

And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

Is man one of God's blunders? Or is God one of man's blunders?

As the Romantic that I deem myself to be, (and by Romantic, I mean Romanticism, Sturm und Drag sort of thing , not what Hugh Grant feigns to be in his horrendous films) I of course like Kierkegaard. He gives importance to living fervently, as do I. Though I do disagree with the fact that he places Abraham in such high esteem. Or at least, defends him, deeming him to be above the ethical. Abraham, for me, is a murderer with selfish and fanatic intentions. Regarding his levels of immediacy, ethical , etc.. I believe that all mankind, definitely including me, will forever be suspended in the awkward limbo between the first two levels.

Well, I must be off now, as there is a crowd of french adolescent strangers (one of them is the daughter of the woman we are staying with) who have to bring me back to the hotel so they can go on listening to their French rap, making out amongst each other, and doing other ehrm Lyonnais adolescent things.